Stay interview: a guide with questions for leaders

A stay interview is the conversation most leaders only have when it is too late: by then it is called an exit interview, the resignation letter is already on the table, and you finally learn what has been bothering the person for months. The stay interview flips that order. You ask people who (still) enjoy working with you what keeps them here and what could drive them away.

This topic has been on my mind since I wrote the offboarding checklist for this series. Almost every question you ask when someone leaves could have been asked a year earlier. Back then, the answer could still have changed something. In this article you get a complete guide: when the conversation is worth it, how to announce it, which questions work and what to do with the answers afterwards.

In short

A stay interview is a planned one-on-one in which you find out why someone stays and what might make them leave. The key insight: the questions are easy to find, the value only comes from what you visibly do afterwards. The biggest pitfall is raising expectations and then doing nothing.

What you will learn in this article

• What a stay interview is and how it differs from a 1:1 and an annual review
• How to announce the conversation without creating suspicion
• Around 20 proven questions, sorted by conversation phase
• A 45-minute agenda and a template for your notes
• How answers turn into concrete steps the team actually notices

What is a stay interview?

A stay interview is a separate, announced conversation between you and a team member. It has exactly one topic: what has to stay the same so the person keeps enjoying their work here, and what would need to change? Performance, goals and salary are explicitly off the table. That is what sets it apart from almost every other conversation format.

The term is mostly used in English-speaking HR circles, where it is seen as the counterpart to the exit interview, the final conversation with people who have already resigned. The idea is simple: if you only ask when people leave, you collect insights for statistics. If you ask earlier, you can still act.

How it differs from 1:1s, annual reviews and exit interviews

Admittedly, the lines blur. Good recurring 1:1 meetings touch on similar questions. A separate slot is still worth it because the perspective changes. A 1:1 is about the next few weeks, a stay interview about the next one or two years.

Keeping it apart from the annual review matters most. As soon as a meeting also involves evaluation, hardly anyone will openly say they are looking around on the job market. That is why the stay interview gets its own slot, with some distance to reviews and salary rounds.

Why a stay interview pays off

In 2019, Gallup surveyed people who had voluntarily left their employer. A good half were convinced that their manager or the organization could have prevented their departure. Roughly half also said that in the last three months before switching, no leader had sought a conversation with them about satisfaction or career prospects. The data comes from the US and is no longer brand new. The direction still matches what many leaders know from experience: resignations rarely come out of the blue, they just come unnoticed.

A second Gallup analysis from 2024 shows how much small things can matter. People who experience good, fitting recognition had changed employers considerably less often after two years than others. By the way, the most reliable way to find out whether someone finds recognition fitting is to ask. That is exactly what happens in a stay interview.

Then there are the costs. Gallup estimates the cost of replacing a technical specialist at roughly 80 percent of an annual salary, and for leaders at about double an annual salary. That includes recruiting, onboarding, lost knowledge and the time it takes until the team works smoothly again. For a development team this means: a single avoided departure pays for many hours of conversations.

When and how often should you hold a stay interview?

For most teams, one stay interview per person per year is enough. In times of a lot of change (reorganization, a new product, a tight job market) twice is fine too. More often and it becomes routine, and routine is the enemy of honest answers.

For new team members, a first conversation after about six months makes sense. By then onboarding is over, the person knows the team and has their own opinion, but has not yet gone blind to the quirks. For the time before that, the series already has the guide to remote onboarding in the first 30 days.

Who do you start with?

It is tempting to talk only to the “high performers”. Don't. The team quickly notices who gets invited and who doesn't, and draws its own conclusions. Hold the conversation with everyone who reports directly to you. You may prioritize the order, for example by knowledge silos or by people you haven't had a good conversation with for a while.

From announcement to retro: the stay interview cycle

Preparing a stay interview step by step

Preparation decides whether the conversation feels like an opportunity or an interrogation. These steps have proven useful:

1. Explain it to the team first, then invite. Introduce the format in a team meeting before the first invitation goes out. That way nobody wonders about a sudden meeting simply titled “Conversation”.
2. Write an invitation with a clear purpose. State the topic, duration and what is explicitly not on the agenda. You will find a template right below this list.
3. Block 45 minutes with nothing right after. Good answers often only come in the second half. If you keep looking at the clock, you won't get them.
4. Share the questions in advance. People who had time to think answer more thoughtfully. Introverted team members benefit in particular.
5. Do your own homework. Read your notes from the last 1:1s. Are there open promises? Then resolve them beforehand or bring them up yourself.
6. Know your limits. Think in advance about what is within your influence and what isn't. That way you can honestly say in the conversation what is realistic.

An invitation could look like this:

Hi Mia, I'd like to take 45 minutes just for the question of what matters to you about your work here and what we should improve so you enjoy staying. This is not about performance, goals or salary. I've attached the questions, but you don't need to prepare. If the slot doesn't suit you, feel free to pick another one.

The name is just an example, of course. Make sure the text sounds like you and not like an HR department.

The best stay interview questions

You don't need 40 questions. Five to eight good ones are enough for one conversation if you follow up. The following list is a toolkit, sorted by conversation phase. Pick one or two questions per section.

Opening: what is going well

• What do you look forward to when you open your laptop in the morning?
• What about your work would you definitely not want to lose?
• When did you last have a really good day at work? What was different?

Start with the positive. There is a practical reason: the reasons someone stays are just as valuable as the reasons that could drive them away. You also learn which things you must never accidentally organize away in day-to-day work.

Work and energy

• Which tasks give you energy, and which drain it?
• If you could hand over one part of your work tomorrow, which would it be?
• Where do you waste time on things someone else should really be solving?

Learning and growth

• What would you like to be able to do in a year that you can't do today?
• Do you get enough opportunity to try new things here?
• Which role or topic would appeal to you, even if it doesn't exist yet?

For developers, these questions are often the real core. Anyone who has been maintaining the same code for years can easily get the feeling of standing still technically. In a conversation you can spot that feeling early, long before it leads to an application elsewhere.

Collaboration and leadership

• What should I as your manager do more often, and what less often?
• Do you feel your work is seen? How would you like to be recognized?
• Is there anything in the team that annoys you but that you haven't raised yet?

This is where you need the most self-control. If criticism of you comes up, say thank you and ask for an example. You can justify yourself later, or better not at all. How to phrase good feedback yourself is covered in the part Giving feedback that lands.

The direct question about leaving

• Have you thought about looking elsewhere in the last few months? What triggered it?
• What would another offer have to include for you to seriously consider it?
• If you resigned tomorrow, what would be the most likely reason?

These questions feel uncomfortable at first, for both sides. Ask them anyway, but only once the conversation has built trust. And ask them out of curiosity, without reproach. The honest answer “Yes, I looked at another job” is a gift. Anyone who gets into trouble for it will never tell you again.

Closing

• What is the one thing I could change in the next four weeks?
• What haven't I asked that I should have?

How the conversation runs: 45 minutes at a glance

A fixed agenda helps you not to get stuck on the first topic. The times are guidelines, not a strict schedule.

When listening, a simple rule of thumb applies: you talk for at most a third of the time. Good follow-ups are “Tell me more about that”, “How do you notice that?” and “What would make it better?”. Collect solutions at the end, not after every answer.

Take notes, but not on a form that looks like an HR sheet. A blank page with four headings is all you need:

• Reasons to stay: what the person values and what you should protect
• Risks: what could drive them away, in their own words
• Agreed steps: what, who, by when
• Outside my influence: what you pass on and to whom

After the stay interview: turning answers into action

Now comes the part where most stay interviews fail. A conversation without any follow-up is worse than none at all. It shows the person that their openness achieves nothing.

Within a week: send a summary

Send a short message with the agreed steps. Three sentences are enough. It shows you listened, and you both have the same understanding.

Within four weeks: make the first step visible

Take at least one thing from every conversation that you can implement quickly. It can be small: a different topic in the next sprint, a conference visit, one meeting fewer. Bring it up actively in the next 1:1 (“You mentioned …, so I …”).

Be honest about what isn't possible

Some wishes are beyond your power, such as a salary band or a location decision. Say so openly, and also say what you can do instead, for example taking the topic to the right place. An honest “I can't change that” is much better than a vague “I'll look into it” that never comes up again.

Spot patterns in the team

Once you have held all the conversations, put your notes side by side. If the same topics come up several times, for example constant interruptions from support requests or no time for learning, that is a team topic. You can raise it anonymously in a retro without attributing individual statements.

Common stay interview mistakes

The conversation turns into a salary negotiation

Money will come up, and that is fine. If it stays the only topic, ask carefully: “Assuming the salary were sorted, what else would matter?” Often there is something else underneath, such as a lack of recognition or of prospects.

You get defensive

Criticism of processes or of you feels like an attack. Anyone who now explains why everything has its reasons ends the honest conversation within seconds. Take notes, ask follow-ups, say thank you.

You promise too much

Out of the wish to keep someone, it is easy to commit to things you can't deliver. Better two small commitments you keep than one big one that fizzles out.

The conversation only comes after a wave of resignations

If three people have just left and suddenly everyone is invited to a “stay interview”, it looks like damage control. The format works best in calm times. If you do start during such a phase, address the connection openly.

A questionnaire instead of a conversation

Some organizations turn the stay interview into a form with 1-to-5 scales. Then it is a survey. Surveys have their place, but they don't replace a conversation in which you can ask follow-up questions.

My take

I think the stay interview is one of the most underrated tools in leadership. It costs less than an hour per person per year, and it forces you to ask a question that almost never comes up in everyday work. For me, “People first” means exactly that: don't wait until someone hands in their notice, want to know how they are doing beforehand.

At the same time, it is no magic trick. If recurring 1:1s don't work, if there is little psychological safety in the team, a stay interview won't bring honest answers either. It complements good leadership, it doesn't replace it. And it is not a tool to hold on to people at any cost. Sometimes the outcome of a good stay interview is the realization that moving on is right for the person. Then at least you have the chance to support that path fairly instead of being caught by surprise.

FAQ

What is a stay interview?

A stay interview is a planned one-on-one between a manager and a team member that is only about what keeps the person at the organization and what might make them leave. Performance and salary are not evaluated.

How often should you hold a stay interview?

Once or twice a year per person is enough for most teams. For new team members, a first conversation after about six months makes sense.

Who conducts the stay interview?

Usually the direct manager, because they can influence most of the points raised. If the relationship is strained, a manager one level up can take over, similar to a skip-level meeting.

What is the difference between a stay interview and an exit interview?

The exit interview takes place after the resignation and explains why someone left. The stay interview happens before and still gives you the chance to change something.

What do I do if someone says in the conversation that they want to leave?

Thank them for being open, ask what triggered it and agree on a follow-up meeting soon. Don't promise anything you can't keep, and clarify beforehand which options you realistically have.

Your next step

Briefly introduce the format at your next team meeting, then schedule a first stay interview within the next two weeks. Pick five questions from the list above, and block 15 minutes right afterwards for the summary. And if a goodbye does happen, the offboarding checklist from the previous part will help you.

I'm curious: have you ever held a stay interview or been through one yourself? Which question triggered the most? Feel free to share in the comments.

Continue the series: Back to the “Leadership in brief” overview · Previous part: Offboarding: when someone leaves the team.

Sources

• Gallup: This Fixable Problem Costs U.S. Businesses $1 Trillion (Shane McFeely, Ben Wigert, 2019)
• Gallup: Employee Retention Depends on Getting Recognition Right (2024)

This post was created with AI assistance.

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👉 Next step: Preparing a first one-on-one? My question cheat sheet puts the best questions on one printable page.

Originally published on sascha-ms.de. More articles on serverless, AI in everyday development and leading tech teams: sascha-ms.de/en